


wise eyes and white lines

by sapphicgoddess



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: F/F, angst cuz thats all i can write, not that bad tho you'll live
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 22:49:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8819203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphicgoddess/pseuds/sapphicgoddess
Summary: "careful, mila. you don't know where her heart's been. "





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is absolute shit. i have not proofread it and i do not intend to. i don't even know why i wrote this in the first place. it fucking sucks but here it is: enjoy

They’re eighteen when they meet for the first time.

One of the girls in Camila’s school is throwing a party. She doesn’t know her too well but she really needs a break right now. And alcohol seems like a good way to go.

So there she is.  
Seated on an old leather couch in an unknown apartment in a sketchy neighborhood. The couch was probably black at one point, Camila thinks. But now it’s just worn out and damaged. Still, it does have a charm to it.

The apartment is not very big, the living room being the largest room but it can barely fit in the two couches and six people crowded in it. It’s absolute trash. The room is actually nothing but a thick cloud of smoke at the moment because of how everyone have been hotboxing in there all night. 

Camila may be high out of her mind but she thinks this apartment is actually not that bad. The couch is quite comfortable and the painting on the wall across from her looks pretty cool. At least she thinks it’s a painting. Could be a photograph.

Her brain doesn’t register anyone talking to her since she’s so focused on the picture in front of her. She doesn’t pull her eyes away until she feels someone nudge her side. She turns to face Dinah beside her but as she does, her eyes pass the entrance and that’s when she spots her for the first time.

Camila blinks.  
She ignores Dinah’s nudges who eventually stop due to her lack of interest.

All Camila sees is the girl by the door. She actually has to stop for a moment to remember if she’s taken any substances that can cause hallucinations because for a second she swears the girl must be an angel.

As far as she can remember she’d only smoked a joint and she doubt that would cause her to experience hallucinations - or she would really have to ask Shawn where he got his weed from.

She is brought out of her train of thought when her eyes trail down to admire every single curve of the girl’s body. Camila can see the girl’s mouth moving but she doesn’t care to look at whoever she’s talking to. All she sees is how she has the most beautiful profile she has ever seen and how her hands run so smoothly through her hair.

Her head turns and without warning, Camila is feeling her soul being pierced by a pair of the most emerald eyes she’s ever seen.

Everything seems slower when you’re high, but Camila actually feels like everything's in slow motion right now.

Her throat is suddenly so dry she has to clear her throat but she can’t tear her eyes away. It’s only when the raven haired girl lets a smirk paint her lips as her attention goes back to her conversation, that Camila can bring herself to look away.

Her eyes are wide as she hits Dinah on her shoulder repeatedly. The polynesian turns to her to her as she moves a spliff away from her mouth and exhales the smoke from her lungs.

“What?”

“Who’s that?”

Camila’s voice is curious, and she can’t even care to hide it. She motions her head to the direction of the girl subtly. Dinah follows her gaze and takes a look at the mysterious girl who is now applying red lipstick before she turns back to her best friend.

“That’s Lauren. “

Camila’s eyes are wide in question as she blinks. Her cheeks are starting to go into a soft shade of pink, whether it’s due to the temperature or something else, Camila doesn’t know.

“Why haven’t you told me about her? She’s…” Camila trails off as her eyes look everywhere to search for the right word. When she comes short she shakes her head and her eyes go back Dinah who is watching her friend cautiously as she continues.

“They don’t even make girls like that anymore!“

Camila brings her eyes back to the mysterious girl. Dinah is about to take another hit from the spliff but instead she leans into the smaller girl’s ear to make her voice heard through the loud music. Her voice is serious.

“Careful, Mila. You don’t know where her heart’s been. “

Dinah’s words ring in the back of her head the rest of the night and she wants to ask what she meant by it but before she has the chance to she’s gone and Camila is left to down some shots with the boys around the table who are offering everyone free alcohol. Eventually she gets bored by sitting in the same place all night and she decides to find her way to the balcony as she slides up a cigarette from the pack in her back pocket and places it between her lips.

Turns out the apartment wasn’t as small as she thought because she manages to stumble by a couple bedrooms until she finds the door to the balcony which she opens and closes behind her. She’s so deep in her own thoughts that she doesn’t realize anyone else is out there so she almost has a heart attack when she hears a voice behind her.

“You scared me. “ Camila says as she is face to face with the (probably not but could be) angel from earlier.

Camila is not as high anymore, but the shots she took an hour ago are slowly starting to set in. Maybe that’s what compels her to properly speak to a beautiful girl without stuttering for the first time.

The other girl doesn’t as much as offer an apology in response as her eyes once again seem to stare right through Camila’s soul. The younger girl starts to feel insecure but can’t stop the words pouring out of her mouth.

“That’s a really rude thing you’re doing, “ she says, narrowing her eyes to glare at the girl as she points her finger in her direction. “Just looking into my soul like that without even asking first. Consent is actually really important. “

Yeah, the shots are definitely making their way to her head. 

Lauren is silent but her eyes are still sharp on Camila. The younger girl fumbles awkwardly as she tries to find her lighter in her pockets. She would ask the girl if she had one on her but she doesn’t trust her own mouth right now.

She spots a lit candle on the window pane and leans down to light her cigarette but is stopped by a raspy voice:

“When you light a cigarette with a candle a sailor dies at sea. “

Camila is stunned by her words and blinks in confusion by her words. Nonetheless she stands back up and uses her uncoordinated hands to put the cigarette back in the pack.

Without saying anything the green eyed girl reaches her hand out with a flame coming out of her metallic lighter. Camila smiles in what she hopes looks like a grateful smile but probably comes out as incredibly stiff as she lights her cigarette.

“What’s your name?”

Lauren’s voice is so low and raspy and Camila’s breath hitches. She’s pretty sure she has never been this uncomfortable in her own body because the way Lauren is looking at her is suddenly making her self-conscious of her whole existence. She does however manage to croak her name out to answer the question and mentally high fives herself because she think she did a pretty good job at answering that.

“And you’re Lauren. “

And there she is again, mentally slapping herself instead. Camila wants to dig her own grave when the girl doesn’t even as much as blink. Just about anything would be better than silence.

Camila clears her throat awkwardly and turns to the side to look out the balcony and takes a drag from her cigarette. Although she can’t see them she can sure feel the emerald eyes boring into her side.

“You’re cute. “ Lauren deadpans suddenly.

Camila looks back at her looking for any trace of emotions but finds none. No smile. Instead she is met by intense eye contact and pursed lips. Camila goes silent because she doesn’t know how to react since she can’t tell if she’s being serious or not. The one thing she hates is when she can’t read people’s faces because she doesn’t know if they’re just making fun of her by being sarcastic.

She settles on just going back to not looking her. Judging by the situation she doubts Lauren meant anything other than just making her feel bad because of how uncomfortable this entire situation is.

But Lauren has already smoked up and is just standing there and Camila doesn’t know why.

 

x

 

Five months go by. 

They make quite an odd pair.

Lauren’s got the whole world wrapped around her finger and Camila can barely keep track of her own self. Camila doesn’t know much about life at all and Lauren is an old soul and seems as if she’s lived for decades. She is radiating confidence and experience and Camila can barely muster up the courage to ask a stranger for directions.

But Lauren is in love with her.  
She’s too afraid to taste the words on her tongue but Camila knows.

She sees the way Lauren looks at her as if she has the whole world in front of her but all she can see is Camila. And while everyone falls for her eyes, Camila is weak for her smile. She loves her. But love is a tricky thing and she doesn’t want to tell Lauren she’s in love with her too because she’s not really sure if she is. But she is definitely infatuated by her. How could she not be?

They don’t label it.  
Because Lauren doesn’t belong to anyone.

Camila doesn’t know much about Lauren’s family. She’s never even been in her house. The closest she’s gotten to see Lauren’s personal life is standing outside the gate of her house while she’s leaning on one side of the fence and Lauren on the other. Actually it’s not even a house. It’s a mansion. Anyone could tell they have money.

Camila doesn’t really understand why Lauren hangs out with people who find more pleasure in drugs than in life itself. Everyone sort of sees them as outcasts although many secretly want to be a part of it because they make drugs seem so glamorous. It’s tragic because they have so much money and don’t really know what to do with it.

The first time they met Lauren was high on cocaine and Camila would have never guessed. It sort of scares Camila how tolerant she is to drugs because it means her body must be used to it by now. As long as Lauren only does drugs when she’s partying Camila won’t say anything about it.

But they party so often that eventually the line between night and day becomes blurry. Drugs sort of become a friend Lauren can’t go to a party without. Lauren is blind to how self-destructive she really is because the wall she has spent years building up that keeps her detached from her emotions is impossible to tear down. 

Camila sees the scars on her wrists.

She doesn’t understand why a girl so beautiful would cause such harm to herself.

Camila wants to learn every single detail that has made her the person she is. But there’s still a large portion of her life Lauren refuses to share because the minute Camila brings up her family Lauren closes up. So she doesn’t push it. But she suspects Lauren is not very close with her family. Camila guesses her mother and father have given their only child financial security instead of parental love.

And maybe that’s why Lauren finds love in drugs instead of people.

x

Years go by and like most people they sort of lose contact. Camila eventually drops all contact with the people from her past after realizing that there was nothing healthy about these people all dragging each other down. And Lauren loves her pills more than she loves Camila. She knows she has to get out before it’s too late.

She goes to college and majors in English and moves to the other side of the country in her mid 20’s after releasing her first book from a big publishing company. It’s a success.

She’s sold enough copies to go by and by the time she’s 30 she is a widely known author and has made a name for herself which had always been her dream.

She’s got a way with words.  
Maybe that’s what made a certain girl fall for her.

Camila would never admit it but more than one of her fictional characters have been inspired by Lauren. She sometimes wonders if Lauren has read one of her books. Or if she even remembers who she is. She mostly wonders how her life turned out. If she continued going down that destructive path. She wonders if she’s even alive still. 

 

Camila is called out to an event back home in Miami and is conflicted about how she feels. She hasn’t been back in years. It’s usually her family that comes to visit her in L.A. She doesn’t know why but she doesn’t really want to go back to Miami because all the memories from her bad years are from there and she doesn’t want to remember it.

She doesn’t really know what compels her to go back now after all these years. Maybe it’s because she’s finally at a point in her life where she’s content and knows the past is in the past and can’t hurt her anymore. She’s in her 30’s with a successful career and there’s really no reason for her to be afraid anymore. And still, it’s only for a couple of days and she will have Ally by her side for friendly support. 

The event doesn’t turn out to be that bad. It’s quite fancy though and Camila is forced to wear a black classy dress that’s been hiding in the back of her closet waiting for the perfect opportunity to be worn.

She usually dreads these parties but she meets a lot of interesting people who share her interest in books and writing them. She’s introduced to a ton of people in the publishing industry and marketing companies. She’s actually laughing at their jokes without inwardly cringing.

She’s in the middle of a conversation and her eyes go to her side to look for Ally when suddenly her heart stops.

It can’t be.

Entering the room is a raven haired woman with piercing green eyes and a gracious smile. It’s all too familiar and it feels as if time has rewinded 10 years. Camila is in such deep shock she doesn’t even register Ally calling her name. Her eyes are trained on the woman at the entrance whose fingers are intertwined with a handsome man in a very expensive-looking suit. They look absolutely stunning together.

Camila is brought out of her trance when Ally grabs her arm to get her attention. The short woman has a worried looking expression on her face and all Camila manages to get out is: “That.. That’s her. “

She lifts her arm to motion to the couple at the other end of the room who are happily chatting up suits from the PR business. Ally follows her gaze and looks even more lost.

“Who?”

Camila doesn’t tear her eyes away from the green eyed woman who is now running a perfectly manicured hand through her long hair and brings it to the side as her red lips move while she speaks to a man. Camila’s throat is dry.

“Lauren. “

She doesn’t see the way Ally’s jaw drops in shock.  
The older girl knows all about Lauren. After all she is Camila’s best friend and the one who decided to publish her first book. She knew all about the backstory and how Lauren is the main character in every one of Camila’s books. And seeing her in person for the first time is like seeing the fictional character come to life. Her atmosphere is exactly the way Camila described it. Although her words barely did the woman’s beauty justice.

Before Camila has time to react one of the men she talked to earlier has pulled her into a group of people discussing something Camila doesn’t even care to listen to. But she sees how Lauren and the man beside her are making their way towards them.

“Mr & Mrs. Felipe. “ someone says. 

A glass of champagne is in Lauren’s pale hand and a beautiful smile is painted on her lips when she greets somebody next to her. Camila hears her voice and gets a strange feeling that she doesn’t really know what to make of.

And if she wasn’t already in complete shock she would be now because Lauren’s eyes meet hers and go right past her. The older girl simply smiles politely and doesn’t seem to recognize Camila as she greets everyone.

After a few minutes Camila finds herself smiling because Lauren is talking and using her hands like she always does when she’s passionate about something and she looks so happy. Camila can tell it’s a genuine smile. She sees the way Luis looks at her as if she’s the only thing in the room. Truth to be told he’s not the only one because it seems like most people in the room have noticed her presence. She still has that aura to her.

When Lauren talks Camila realizes the woman genuinely doesn’t recognize her. Camila wants to say something but she doesn’t want to embarrass her so she simply smiles and listens to Lauren who says how happy she is to have invested in their company.

She would have reacted to the fact that Lauren must be a successful business woman now because she’s investing in their company. But she’s stuck on the fact that this is the same girl who was in love with her when she was eighteen.

The only difference is that Lauren has exchanged her cocaine for champagne. 

Everyone in the room seems so familiar with the woman as she fits so perfectly into the rich crowd. They think they know where she’s coming from.

Even Luis seems to think so but Camila knows there’s always going to be some things in Lauren’s life she will never share with anyone. And maybe now her past has become part of it.

But the night comes to an end and it’s time for her to leave. She wants to tell Luis to be careful.

Because he doesn’t know where her heart’s been.


End file.
